As The Deer

As The Deer

C       Em          Am     Am/G
As the deer panteth for the water
       F           G      C
So my soul longeth after Thee.
C     Em          Am     Am/G
You alone are my heart's desire
       F       G       C
And I long to worship Thee.

      Am                  F           C
      You alone are my strength, my shield,
          F               Dm7     E
      To You alone may my spirit yield.
         C    Em          Am     Am/G
      You alone are my heart's desire,
             F      G        C
      And I long to worship Thee.

You're my friend and you are my brother
Even though You are a King.
I love You more than any other,
So much more than anything.

I want You more than gold or silver
Only You can satisfy.
You alone are the real joy giver
And the apple of my eye.

©1984, Maranatha! Music
Words and Music by Martin Nystrom

New Year Resolutions

Few weeks ago I decided to write my own resolutions, new year's resolutions.
I know it's kinda late to write resolutions now, but I won't bother about that.

This is something I never did before. Since I always believe there is no need to set resolution on new year since I can start doing any resolutions on any point of time. Why wait for the new year to come?

But I change my mind. After reading Kenny Sia's entry on his resolutions, I decided to have my own.

My resolutions for this year:
1. To have more patience.
2. To be able to play guitar.
3. To be able to play piano/keyboard.
4. Regularly going for morning mass.
5. Regularly calling back home.
6. Improve on my financial budget planning and monitoring
7... to be added later

Panadol Ads

Recently the panadol's ads capture my attention.

It's not spectacular, it's not bad either, but it's somehow interesting, the meaning behind the gestures.

First look I just smile. It shows a man tells a woman that he knows what she is feeling right now when she sneezes on and on. The woman have a terrible flu. A bus passing by and show the panadol for cold ads poster. The next scene is predictable, the woman, who is fully recovered and of course by taking panadol cold, tells another man that she knows what he is feeling right now. The man denied it by saying, "no, you are not!".

How many times that we are acting like the man, denying others that they know what we are feeling right now?

Most of the time, when we feels sad, laments, or regrets we often denying other that they knows how it feels. Most of the time we bragged that we are hurt, we are in pain, in terrible pain that other won't know how painful it is.

It's normal human reaction after all.

But the ads gives an insight in how arrogant we are sometimes, to believe that we are in so much pain that others won't know how it feels.

When we lost our parents, others probably have experienced it too.
When we lost our loved ones, others probably have experienced it too.
When we lost something precious, others probably have experienced it too.

The question is when we are going to listen to others and start taking the pills.

Pet Peeves

Recently Kireira blogged about her pet peeves.

I have one, too. Super irritating.

It's one of my colleague, and it's so irritating it's distracting me to focus on work.
We are in the same team, so I have to face it everyday. I got so frustrated few days ago I decided to do something about it.

First, I tried to seek advice. Iyok1010 mentioned something that struck the chord. He said, "it not all about me, me and me." How true.
I tried to dig deeper inside myself and realize, there are no ways I can change him. The only way is I need to change my perception, my tolerance. At first I thought I can say it out, or at least discussed it in a mild manner, work it out for some solution or something. But I guess, that won't fix a thing.

Living for others is not something we can realise and do everyday. This individualistic environment taught us how to be more competitive and ambitious. It didn't teach us to give out something to others. It doesn't teach us to make a difference into others' life. I doesn't encourage us to think on others' shoes. It's always about me, me and me.

"Why they do that? Don't they think it's so inconsiderate to ME? Don't they think it's so rude to ME? Why can't they be more tolerant to ME?"

Enough ME. I need a reminder to tell me each day, I'm living for others. I want to make difference in other ppl's life. That alone gives so much sense of satisfaction.

Getting Better

It's getting better each day.

I've tried to pick up myself recently. The exercises, gatherings and activities with friends.. all of that small small things make my life more colorful.

There are some time when I started to doubt my goals in life. Life seems meaningless with all the work load and loneliness. Probably I did shut myself out of the world, the world that give more meanings into this life's journey. But I didn't want to dwell too long in my lamentation.

"One does not drown because of falling into the water, but because of standing stilll".

What I always try to reminds myself are:
1. Things happen for a reason
2. God has His own plan, and I believe it's for the better one
3. Let the nature takes its course
4. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons to learn.

What I always try to reminds myself regarding her:
1. If you tried your best, there are no regrets.
2. Let go. If it isn't coming back to you, probably it's never meant for you.
3. Don't be sad because you can't be together. Be happy that your path crosses and leave some good memories along the way.

Journey

Journey

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to You

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know You'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to You ... to You

Prayer and Perfectionism

My first entry of the year. It has been sometimes. And it has been somehow a tough time.
Many times I have reflected back on what have happens in my life, but let's leave that for another entry next time.

Right now at this moment, I can feel the sense of fears creeps in. Yes, when someone is brought up to be a perfectionist, there would be a heavy burden that need to be carried on everywhere, the fear of not doing well, of not doing what is expected, of what others might think when you are not doing what you're supposed to do.
It's tough sometimes, to be a perfectionist. How I wish I'm not.

And being lonely doesn't make things easier.

It is arguable how I ended up in this kind of situation. Even if I keep on thinking why and why, there will be no definite answers for that. It is not science. It is a matter of heart.

There are times when everything seems so dark and cold, so quiet I can hear my heart cried out.
Last time I knelt and prayed, that there will be someday when God will show me someone I can share my time with. Someone with ears to listen to, with chatter to fill the quietness, with a heart to connect to. I thought God have shown me that one. But probably I was wrong.

And today I knelt and prayed. There is a temptation to blame God for that. For taking away what He has provided, for taking the hope and happiness. But I tried to realise, because I believe, that probably He meant another way, something that I just can't understand now. I believe He has another plan.

And so I prayed the same prayer. That someday I would find the one.
But now, I know it would be much tougher, to believe something would work when previously it isn't.

A matter of heart is complicated. Always complicated. Especially for a melancholic like me.

Sticking to the principles, I tried to be sincere, true to my own heart. Loving someone, without thinking the other way around, without resorting to hatred. Let the nature takes its course. Let the heart heals.

And to curb the perfectionism, I have to start cut down the expectation.
If the worst comes, what are we losing? Does it matters?
So what is the one really matters?